Two days ago, I blogged about Isabelle Stapleton.
Incidentally, there were elections in Australia with the (expected) outcome of a new government that, to be honest, has me worry A LOT about the future where health, education and the general welfare of my family are concerned. While following the events of election day, I also followed the reaction of “the autism community” (parents with autistic children, autistic adults, advocates) to the attempted murder-suicide in the Stapleton family. The ‘community’ is “reeling”. It is also divided.
In brief, some focus on the act committed by the mother (as I did in my post) others have sympathy with her and blame “the system”, ie lack of support. And now the different blocks leash out at each other.
I am writing this as a reminder for myself of what I have already previously observed : we are all different. There is no such thing as ‘the autism community’. Let’s stop pretending there is.
With the stats being what they are (let’s say 1:100 to have an international, not gender specific value), there is no way I have much in common with ALL of the autism parents out there. Other than being a parent to a child with autism, that is.
You don’t know me. We are not “in it together”.
And although I honestly appreciate the insightful blogs of adult autistics, they are not only extremely different than me, but also most probably are very different than my autistic son will ever be when he is their age.
We are all different. We see things different.
We have been through different things in our very different lives. One may feel the pressure of raising a special needs kid getting to them, others might have known the mother from the blog or IRL, so they might think “This could be me one day” (in this case GET HELP). But the other side might feel the grip of fear that eugenics is still a spectre on the horizon and the understanding that parents worldwide kill their own children with special needs is unsupportable for them – because they could be the victims themselves.
Now as it happened, I too felt some sort of lose connection to it, and the need to comment, to reflect on it, to appeal to parents to stop seek justification for what is an act of crazy non-explainable attempted murder. Psychosis is the only explanation and for anyone who has come close to this, it has nothing to do with the reasons, but all with psyche, trust me.
And I am now over it. I can’t help the Stapleton family. Of course not. I could not then, and I cannot now. Out of respect to Issy, this should not become a political case. Her life has been too public for too long already. Think of her and her family, or pray if you do, her life is still in danger from what i know.
So we are not one big “autism family”. And that’s ok.
Let’s stop judging each other for reactions to what has happened. Look out for those who are close to you, right there and now, and maybe just ask them, are you ok? Be attentive, truly listen, find out how others really feel. Also be honest about it yourself. It is ok to say “I can’t go on no more”. Please keep talking.
That the best we can all do.